I want to turn my conventional oven into an unconventional oven through lots of electrical tweaking and brainwashing techniques developed by the Druids, the loyal followers of Rasputin, and the National Electrical Contractors Association.I want to have immortal arms, so I can hand things down through the centuries.I sat there zoning out yesterday for like six hours. Some call it sleep.I have a basketball player with 98 degree breath in my blood. I’m so excited I could have a slam dunk of a heart attack.I want to put the Declaration of Independence to music, and then have it put to death in England as the most treasonous piece of music ever written.I want to be an old, discarded left shoe that thinks it’s a Labrador and fancies itself the star of its own cartoon. It may not be a real dog, but it sure does have a soggy tongue that it can lick you with.I want to be a renegade slice of pizza that’s pissed off at the world, because this world suffers from “menunitus.” Dammit, it’s pasta too! If I were that slice, I’d gather people around me and say, “Men unite us in our war against menunitus. We will slice our way back into pasta society, one pizza at a time.”I want to not be worth my salt. I do, however, want to be worth my pepper.I want to get you wet with my warm bath personality.If you listen to me the first time, it’s the shortest amount of time you’ll have to listen to me. I’ll probably end up telling my wife that for years.I always tell cross dressers, “If you dress how you want the world to percieve you, then you’d better be prepared to roll up your sleeves and do the dishes.”